My short story

I’ve only starting reading up on Briggs-Meyers stuff this week, so I’m a newbie on this topic. But I am quite amazed at how accurately INFP (and a bit of ENFP) describes my experience.

I grew up as a very shy teenager and young adult. I would now say that I had social anxiety, and still do to some extent. But it was much worse back then. So I grew up thinking of myself as being introverted. That would be the nice way of editing what my thoughts of myself were like. I was not a happy camper. I badly wanted to be more sociable, have a girlfriend, heck just have more than one or two friends period. I now recognize that even then I had a fair bit of extrovert in me, my desire to be out amongst people rather than sitting home alone. Though I also have a lot of introvert in me – when I’ve had enough of people or am tired or stressed I do need my time alone to recharge.

Another aspect of why I felt like an outcast back in my high school and university years is because of other traits of my personality. Being a person who feels things strongly, and is very aware of other’s feelings, didn’t seem to fit my cardboard cut-out of what I thought a normal guy should be like. I did feel very alone and misunderstood. I romanticized about being a punk, or goth (not sure that term was used back then), but really didn’t have it in me to go full out that way. I just kept that rebellious and “cool” part of me hidden.

I ended up being an academic in a science field (quantum physics). I was good at math, and thought I was unsociable, so that seemed like a good fit. Now you might think that a scientist would be more T than F, but not me. Though I was quite capable at solving math problems logically, that was not what held my interest. I was always much more into more philosophical things, the big picture questions about our universe, “meaning of life” type of questions. I ended up specializing in quantum physics which deals with how little particles such as atoms behave, and they behave in a very illogical way. Quantum physics deals with lots of contradictions and makes no logical sense, which is why I liked it.

As I got older I found that working in front of a computer all day long was not what I could do with the rest of my life. Though I’m fascinated with quantum physics, I found the detail-oriented research very boring. Not to mention the lack of social interaction. I ended up landing a job at a private school teaching kids from grades 7-12, and loved that. I especially fell in love with the younger grades. I felt like a kid at heart and enjoyed just interacting with these kids, since that age group I found to be uninhibited and didn’t care about the more practical, logical, details of adult life. Adults my age often talk about things that don’t interest me (climbing their social and professional ladders, financial matters, etc.) I prefer to talk about meaningful, philosophical, relationship-focused topics. I worked at that school for almost 5 years, but lost that job and am now unemployed. I can’t work as a teacher in the public school system because I don’t have the qualifications for that, so my plan is to go to teacher’s college next year. Meanwhile, I’m enjoying my year off – relaxing more, doing things that make me happy.

Meanwhile, my love life has been an adventure. I found it very difficult to date as a young adult, and eventually got married to someone who has lots of good qualities, but was a terrible match for me. We ended up having a son together and split up, a very amicable split-up that works great for us now. During the course of our split-up I was diagnosed with ADD (that’s without the hyperactivity). It certainly explained my day-dreaminess, lack of focus, stuff like that. Then again, I now know that being an INFP explains the same thing.

Since that time (7 years ago) I’ve enjoyed a re-birth of a sort. I was less shy and inhibited now, so my extroverted part was showing a bit. Most people still say I’m “quiet and introverted”, so I know that I only feel more like an extrovert because I’m comparing myself to what I used to be like. I’ve dated a lot in the last 7 years, having 4 significant relationships (and many less significant ones). I was even engaged up until June of this year. I believe my problem has been that I’ve been acting on impulse too much and keep starting relationships with anyone who I find attractive and nice. For most people, attractive and nice might be good enough. But for myself (and other INFPs I imagine), it isn’t.

I need to connect with people, with my girlfriend or wife, in a deep and meaningful way. I need to talk about my feelings and have her talk about her feelings in an open and uninhibited way. And I mean this in a positive way as well – this has to be something that we enjoy doing. I need to be able to show my emotions freely, and for her to do the same. I need a really deep relationship.

For virtually all of the last 7 years I have been in a relationship with someone, or dating. But apart from a few months here or there, I have not been in that deep kind of relationship that I crave to be in. So now I’m being more selective. Part of this has been my recent delving into the discovery of Myers-Briggs personality types, and being aware of where I fall in and the type of characteristics I should be looking for in others. I think it will be great to not only find my future mate with this type of consciousness, but also to develop friendships with others who are sensitive, thoughtful, and creative individuals.

And that brings me here. To interact with others who are like me, to discover more about myself, and to hopefully develop friendships even if those made here are constrained to be online friendships only.

I’ve left out lots and lots and lots of details of my life, but I’ve tried to keep this short. Other details will come out in other blogs I’m sure.

:) Vlad