Dan (Leroy, Tron, L's, Bearded Guy, ect.)

Well where do I begin. I feel like I may be repeating some of the previous entries, by typing this, but hey I'm expressing myself too. I must apologize ahead of time I can be extremely sarcastic, and sometimes morbid in my writing, I'm doing my best to stay polite. Anyways my birth name is Daniel, but I've had various nicknames over the years, I'll get to that when it's relevant. First off I was adopted before I was born, I've lived a fairly stable, yet sheltered lifestyle, in a Roman Catholic SJ type family, although I have absolutely no idea where my genes come from. For several years in elementary school, I was pretty certain that I was left here by Martians, well at least I thought that would have been a cool story for myself (Hell, I'm still even positive I'm from Earth to this day, at least till I found this blog). Going into middle school, I stayed away from the popular crowd, although I always dreamed of leading the revolution between the geeks and populars. I had several really loose friends throughout middle school, although they would never grasp the idea that not being popular wasn't that big of a deal with me, leading me to feel extremely alienated and different. Getting into high school, things changed.

I somehow found a relevant social clique, and picked up a new name "Leroy." Why Leroy, I dunno, my buddy just kind of made it up in 9th period history class in 9th grade (why do I only remember certain details?). Somehow the name temporarily replaced my real name, as I fell into the punk/goth/emo crowd, it just felt right to introduce myself as Leroy. I think it was partially because it was the first time I ever had a NAME for myself, instead of being just another quiet Dan. For the first time in my life, I was surrounded by people who took pride in being weird and different, this extraverted my personality (temporarily) like nothing I've felt since. I would walk into a local band show or the mall on a Friday night and groups of people would shout my name as they walked by, it was great!! For the first time in my life, my weirdness had paid off. But this really only describes 9th and 10th grade for me.

Then I got a job at the local Target, and well working their, you simply couldn't be as openly weird. So I used to introvert my personality at work, and built a few superficial friendships on that, but it was so weird being quiet and reserved sometimes, and outgoing and loud with different groups of people. Then the shell began to close. As 11th grade started, I found myself becoming more distant from all the "scene" crowds. I still kept my core friends close, (still have most them to this day) but my extraverted energy had been spent, I just kept a low profile for the last two years of high school and besides I was going to college after this so I could just do it all over again, no biggie.

I'm in my third year of college now, and let me tell you the memories of high school practically, scratch that, literally bring tears to my eyes. I forget how hard it was to come out of a shell if no one cares. Not to say I haven't had a few good friends who have appreciated my depth in college, but nothing like before. I'm so inconsistent and indecisive about everything, I rarely go out to parties, unless I'm guilted into it, generally by someone who everyone else I would have hung out with doesn't like, making it even more awkward. I read another post on here where someone said they missed out on a lot of friend making opportunities because I've trying to keep peace with their dorm-mate, that is the story of my sophomore year. I roomed last year with one of my early friends from college move in, but he's got this weird ENFJ-thinks he's an ESTP personality which is probably the most annoying thing I could ever have conceived since he essentially only carried the negative aspects of both personalities. But he had a touching life story so I had to be nice, right? I still beat myself up for being a dick to him this year. But as I continue through college I just kind of drift with the flow, getting C's and B's while keeping my music at my side.

As for spirituality hanging with the punks made me a cold atheist, until last year, now when people ask me my spirituality I say, "Spiritual Atheist." Anyway I must say this blog is a genius idea, don't give up just cause it takes awhile for people to discover this.